I Walk Alone
by fallinstars09
Summary: Ezra has a dilema and blames himself for two deaths


**I Walk Alone**

**Disclaimer: Wish I owned them! **

**A/N: I'm not sure how long Ezra was in the FBI before Team 7 came along and I'm not sure at what age he joined, so sorry on the dates and things of that nature.**

Ezra Standish didn't understand it. He thought things had changed since he'd become a member of Team 7 of the ATF. Obviously, he was wrong. He didn't even know what had happened, one minute he had friends, no he had a family of six extraordinary brothers and now it was back to walking alone. Sure it had taken them nearly a year to wear down his defenses, but being used the way he had in the past, he had too many high walls built up in defense that had to be cracked. But oh yes they had cracked them, especially one stubborn, ornery, smart ass Texan sniper. The others thought they should give him space and he would eventually come into the their little circle, but Vin must have seen that was not the case with Ezra P. Standish.

He didn't know what happened yesterday in the bust, but now he was driving around in his Jaguar and Chris Larabee, the team leader, was laying in the hospital fighting for his life. The only person who ever gave Ezra a second chance was the person Ezra had gotten killed. All because Larabee had to take the bullet meant for him. He didn't know how the guy, who was a complete imbecile, knew that Ezra was an undercover agent. Somehow though he did know and he had played him for the fool and allowed Ezra to think things were going according to plan. That is until the meet went down and the ATF rushed in. That was when it all went to hell in a handbasket. He didn't know that Larabee was right there, he thought he was on the other side of the building, but he came flying out of nowhere and took the bullet meant for Ezra.

He could still feel the blood seeping through his fingers where he was putting pressure on the bullet wound. He could still see the pain etched in Chris' eyes. He had prayed for the first time in many years right then and there that Chris Larabee would live. Nobody knew at first, especially at the rate the blood was seeping through the wound whether he would live or die. They still didn't know for certain, all they knew was that he was critical, but stable. Of course that's what they always told people whenever the one close to them is about to die. It had happened to Brian, why wouldn't it happen to Chris. Granted Brian wasn't as stubborn as Chris Larabee, but then again no one was.

Ezra kept driving through the city traffic, until he reached the city limits. He kept going straight; he didn't really care where he went or how long he was away. He figured that if he wasn't there to hear the news then Chris couldn't die and he could keep the pain and those memories of Brian locked away. He switched on the radio, and some loud guitar and drums were playing. He didn't know where this music had come from, it certainly wasn't his station. He liked more mellow and classic things, this sounded like what Vin and JD listened to. Then he remembered the night before he had driven Vin home, because his piece of junk that he called a vehicle had broke down on him again. Just before he turned the station back to the classical station a song started to play that seemed to fit his mood and life perfectly.

I walk a lonely road 

_The only one that I have ever known_

_Don't know where it goes_

_But its home to me and I walk alone_

_I walk this empty street_

_On the boulevard of broken dreams_

_Where the city sleeps _

_And I'm the only one and I walk alone _

_I walk alone I walk alone I walk alone I walk a…_

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow heart is the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_Till then I walk alone_

_I'm walking down the line _

_That divides me somewhere in my mind _

_On the borderline of the edge _

_And where I walk alone _

_Read between the lines_

_What's fucked up and everything's alright_

_Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive_

_And I walk alone_

_I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk a…_

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_Till then I walk alone_

_I walk alone I walk a…_

_I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams_

_Where the city sleeps_

_And I'm the only one and I walk a…_

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me_

_My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating_

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_

_Till then I walk alone_

Ezra pulled over at some abandoned gas station and laid his head on the steering wheel. That song put his life into a four-minute summary. That was what his life had been like before he met Brian and right after Brian died, before Chris came along. He knew life was unfair, he'd learnt that at a very early age, but why did the people who actually gave a rip about him leave. Sure he didn't know if Chris was alive or dead right now, but Brian was. He hadn't thought about Brian in so long it seemed like another life. Brian had been a more laid back version of Chris Larabee. He'd met Brian when he was 19, the details of how the two came across were still hazy. Then again, Ezra had been pretty wasted that night at some college frat party, which was really unusual. He thought somehow Brian had taken him back to his apartment, why he didn't know. The next morning however, Brian was asleep on the couch and nearly caused Ezra to have a heart attack. He'd later asked Brian why he had brought him back to his apartment when they didn't even know each other. Brian just said that if he hadn't Ezra would've surely gotten killed and the world would be a even more shitty place without a Ezra Standish.

Ezra could still hear the gunfire and see the blood when Brian was shot. They'd been living together for three years and one night decided to go out to a convenience to buy some groceries instead of going to the local grocery. They'd been in there for a bout ten minutes when two young kids had come in wearing ski masks and waving guns around. Brian hadn't even done anything, just told the one of the kids to stop terrorizing some old women and the kid pointed his gun at Brian. The kid later told the police he didn't mean for the gun to go off, it just had. Brian was shot and the kids gave up immediately, he died two days after the shooting. The doctors said they'd done all they could, but the blood lost was just too much and there were too many other problems. They never told Ezra what exactly the other problems were. Two years after Brian died Ezra joined the FBI, but pretty soon things fell apart there, too.

Then Chris came into the picture and had given him a chance, which Ezra botched up, but surprisingly he got another chance. So far, he hadn't screwed this chance up, until yesterday that is. Now, all of the others hated him. If only he had of paid more attention to the signs then none of this would have happened. Truth be told he hadn't stuck around long enough to see if the others hated him, but if Chris did die, then the whole team would die. Vin would move on and soon the others would too. He should've seen it coming or done something to prevent it, like doing his job. Ezra raised his head up and decided that he had to move on. He had to get out of this business; maybe he could find his mother. Not exactly a top priority, but better than getting anyone else killed. First Brian, because Ezra wanted to save a few extra bucks and now Chris because he hadn't done his job. He would tell the others goodbye and see Chris one last time. He pulled out of the abandoned gas station and headed for the hospital.

Ezra rode up the elevator to the second floor to the ICU. When he got there, there was no one in the waiting room. He figured they had went to get something to eat and asked the nurse at the desk which room Chris Larabee was in. She gave him the room number and asked if he was family. That was when the head nurse walked up and knowing Team 7 told him to go on back. The first thing Ezra noticed when he walked in was how pale Chris looked. His face was as white as the pillow he had his head on. Ezra walked up the bed and picked up Chris' hand, it was cold to the touch. He knew that he wasn't dead yet, because of the heart monitor beeping. He figured he would tell Chris now and make it easier and then let the others know of his decision.

"Mr. Larabee…Chris, I know that you probably will not hear this, but I have to at least say this to you. I have decided I am leaving. I can not allow another…I mean I can not…Hell I don't know what I'm meaning to say. Bet you wish you were awake right now to hear me speaking without my so-called five-dollar words. What I want to say is that I'm sorry Chris, for not doing my job. For getting you shot and probably costing you your life. I can not allow this to happen again. It's already happened once, with an old friend of mine Brian. That was my fault to and now it's happened again. I don't want any more blood on my hands. I know that may sound selfish, but right now, it really doesn't matter. With you gone the team will fall apart and eventually we will all go our separate ways. Thank you for giving me a second chance and a family for a little while. Goodbye, Chris."

Ezra laid the hand back down on the bed and turned away. He had gotten to the door when he heard a very weak voice.

"Thought I told you not to run out on me again." Chris said.

"Chris…I thought…you were so pale…they said…" Ezra stuttered.

Chris raised up a hand and said, "Shut up Ezra and sit down."

When Ezra sat down Chris looked at him and simply said; "Now who's dying and when did you shoot me?"

Ezra simply smiled and said, "Nevermind Mr. Larabee, just know I know longer walk that empty street of broken dreams."

The End

A/N: Love it? Or do you just want to throw it in the trash and burn it? Let me know either way. Also, the song in here is by Green Day and is called "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" off their American Idiot album.


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